Glossary

  • JL:
    Juicy Lucy
  • KT:
    Korean Teacher
  • LBFM:
    Little Brown Frying Machine
  • HH:
    Her Hunniness

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Anna Get My Gun

There are a couple of programmes on the Canto-TVB channel worth watching these days for their totty content. They don’t come anywhere close to the pleasure of catching Eve Lam on the Gweilo-Pearl news, but then nothing really could.

On Sunday evenings there is a programme fronted by the excellently obnoxious Eric Tsang. I believe this programme is the successor to Robert Chua’s ground-breaking “Let’s All Be Happy” (or something like that) shows of yonks ago. It consists of a balanced number of male and female contract stars from the Pearl stable, who take part in a series of suggestive games, somewhat like the deliberately humiliating games that Hong Kong couples are forced to go through on stage at their wedding reception.

One of the games involves a male participant picking up a piece of seaweed with his lips, and passing it to a female member of the same team, who deposits it in a box. The team which gets the highest number of pieces in the box scores the points. The fun is basically in watching two unrelated people getting almost intimate.

Another game, which I think has been dropped now, requires contestants to walk along a pair of diverging lines, keeping their feet outside the lines, as far as they can go, before trying to blow out a row of candles in front of them. The further they walk, and the wider they can "spread 'em", the closer they are to the candles and hence the more they should be able to blow out. The angle between their legs is measured and appears on the screen. Not surprisingly, the contract girls achieve some pretty obtuse angles, possibly as a result of special "training".

The game I like most is where two pairs (one male, one female in each pair) are asked questions. The pair that gets the answer wrong is whisked back to the wall behind where water is poured down on them. They get a chance to catch an umbrella – which shoots out at an unpredictable angle - along the way, but they often fail to do so. Even if they get the brolly, it can turn out to have holes in it. Sometimes the female participant does not really enter into the spirit of things as she may wear a jacket or dry herself off between questions, but sometimes it gets as close to a wet T-shirt contest as one could expect on Cantonese TV.

Last Sunday, there were some good crutch shots on the actress with big tits from Gai Dai Foon Hei (Flora Chan?) to show how, ahem, wet she was, while one of the other birds (I forget who, but quite tasty and with nice jugs) had a low cut top and was game enough not to cover up or dry up at all. She even leaned forward very nicely a few times, and I am sure a slow motion replay would have been very satisfying. The camera gave some pretty good close-ups of her soaked chest. Oooh-err, missus!

The impression I have got recently is that the games are being spiced up. My recommendation is that the participants should be required to dress in T-shirts and shorts and that covering up and drying up should be banned. I would not go so far as to say that cold water should be used, but that would be a bonus.

The other programme with a good totty content is on Monday evening, and is hosted by Anna (pass the tissues) Yau Hoi-man, Anna_yau one of the best presenters on any of the channels. I have met her and can confirm that she is sharp, fit and speaks excellent English. She certainly causes a little local unrest whenever I see her. In fact, Anna hosts many programmes and is always both professional and stiffy-inducing.

Anyway, this particular programme features local female fatties who have slimmed down, with lots of ‘before’ piccies so you can see the degree of improvement, which is usually very impressive. Obviously, to make the point fully, the camera has to linger longingly on key parts of the ‘after’ body. The ladies in question are usually pretty attractive in their ‘after’ incarnation, and sometimes the nervous ones needs to be touched encouragingly by Anna – luvly jubbly.

Perhaps this idea could be taken up and turned into a gweipo format, with the slim, lithe, sylph-like ‘before’, and the blubbery, waddling, tub-of-lard ‘after’.

Comments

The Super Trio Continues featuring Eric Tsang is quite funny.
I like the part where the contestants had to drink a litre of coke before burping in front of the microphone.

The other show - the slimming show. It's bit exaggerated don't you reckon?

Yes, and very formulaic, but its always nice to check out Anna. Last time she had an interesting dress on. It was open at the front to about 12; above the knee (both sides).

Hrm, looks like ye white boys really do have rather enthusiastic objections to the way most white women look. But many a HK woman is slim to the point of completely obliterating all trace of feminine curves, though. In contrast, that rare breed of slim white woman manages to keep the right bits up and the wrong bits down.

Or are stick insects the new thing (and not just in the bizarre fashion industry)? It's hard enough flogging weight loss packages in places like the UK, let alone chest and arse reduction programmes. I suppose there is no hope for the American Missile Base, after all.

For me - give me a Catherine Zeta Jones over an Anna Yau any day. Mmmm. Okay, cold shower time.

I wouldn't mind Ms Jones if she weren't Welsh.

Re the salivating seaweed game, for me the fun is watching the girl choking back cries of "Eee waatdaat" as she contemplates the dread prospect of another human being's saliva getting anywhere near her spotty face.

You want a better complexion, darling. Get some sun!

PS Hong Kong people NEVER get intimate.


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